LEPER MESSIAH SPEAKS

So as my blog name suggests, I'm a huge Metallica fan. My favorite genre of music is definitely heavy metal, followed by hard rock and punk.

But it wasn't always like that. When I was growing up I actually only listed to west-coast rap and R&B. As in I had most of the CD's of NWA, Ice Cube, Snoop, Dr. Dre, Tupac, Too Short, E-40, The Click, RBL Posse, etc.

And every now an then, I'll listen to some rap, and boy is it good times. Now here's the thing about rap, its either really fun / humorous music, OR extremely offensive. As in if you're well grounded, who doesn't like a song about slanging dope, lighting up the chronic, and just str8 up pimpin' mad ho's? But if you have a stick up your ass, then you're just going to call this the most distasteful noise ever and will be donating money to the Pat Buchanan censor America fund.

With that I present to you the 7th Floor Crew. To those who missed the headlines
click here to hear the song:

Here's the very catchy chorus line
"If yo ho only know / that she was getting fucked on the 7th flo
If that bitch only knew /that she was getting mutted by the whole damn crew / what would she do?"

As the chorus portends, the song involves sex. And for those who need a visual, I would suggest going to my best friend's website: www.wantedlist.com, which is basically the best online DVD rental site, and looking up the genres "Black" and "Gangbang".

After a couple of listens to the 7th Floor Crew, I now have a slightly better idea of the members of this group of train conductors.

Marvelous: Has a great smile
T-Good: a plumber; advocates safe sex. Wears #52.
Big-Nick: Lives in 704; likes Greygoose
Lil Nuke: Enjoys giving facials
Dub-C: Lives in the penthouse suite; aka Thundercat
T-Bup: Doesn't care for Greygoose; likes gin instead, has a Ford Thunderbird
G-Reg: has encounters with angry pirates*; probably the best rapper of the crew
Big-Beast: Another advocate of safe sex; is a good teammate
Holla May: Gives women who work at McDonalds just as much respect as any other women.

Good times.

* See www.urbandictionary.com for the reference.

Here's the list of songs played by Metallica at the Metallica / Rolling Stones concert at SBC Park tonight (Tues Nov 15)

Intro - I want to say something with hints of Unforgiven, but I was interrupted as some douchebag was trying to tell me I was in his seat - of course, he was in the wrong section.

But anyways, song and album - all songs were played in full
1. Orion (Master of Puppets)
2. Creeping Death (Ride the Lightning)
3. Wherever I Roam (Black)
4. For Whom the Bells Toll (Ride the Lightning)
5. Unforgiven (Black)
6. Fuel (Re-Load)
7. Sad But True (Black)
8. Nothing Else Matters (Black)
9. Master of Puppets (Master of Puppets)
10. One (And Justice For All)
11. Enter Sandman (Black)

So since they were opening up for the Stones, they played from 6:45 - 8:00. Decent show and now they're playing Enter Sandman. I know this is the last song, because they always close with Enter Sandman. Now Enter Sandman is not my favorite Metallica song, but I would put it in their top 10, and it's definitely their most popular and recognizable song. So I'm in the zone, and trying to take in as much of the last Metallica I'll probably hear live until their next album...

Now - the seat to my left was not taken until about half-way through Metallica. This lady was sitting down through all the song, but stands up finally during Enter Sandman. The problem is she's dancing with way too much hand movement. You know, this is Metallica, just headbang a little, throw up the devil sign and you're good to go. No need to be Mariah Carey or Celine Dion and start waving the hands all over the place. And about three-quarters through the song she leans towards me and says "this song would be great with a hip-hop act". Okay, not quoted verbatim, but I think she was trying to say it would be a great hybrid rap-metal song. Like the Linkin Park - Jay Z experiment. Yeah, that would be great, let's get Lil' Jon to rap over Enter Sandman. "Enter Whaaaaaat? Exit Yeaaaaah!"

So yeah, thanks for killing the moment there. And so Metallica leaves, and about three minutes later we converse a little and she says, "yeah, they're a good band. Do they headline ever?"

But this wasn't the only embarrassment moment for Metallica. They played in front of a half empty crowd - of which less than half were even standing up. When they introduced themselves, it sounded as they believed they really had to introduce themselves and even said "We'll try not to scare you".

I just can't believe that Metallica subjected themselves to this type of treatment. They wrote Fade to Black, To Live is to Die, Battery, Sanitarium... Ever since they blew Van Halen off of the stage, they've been known as the Monsters of Rock. My blog name comes from one of their songs.

Sad but True.

Well this is what I get for changing the channel at the commercial break during a football game. The channel ends up on MSNBC - Dateline and a special on online sexual predators.

This pretty much sums it up

"During "Dateline NBC's" recent hidden camera investigation, 19 were caught going to a suburban home where they thought they'd be meeting with sexually available teens. Some made a run for it when they went into the kitchen and saw NBC's Chris Hansen waiting.

One came into the house completely naked and sat down in the kitchen, where Hansen met him and kindly handed him a towel to cover himself up. A rabbi was so upset at being caught that he even seemingly went after Hansen."

Definitely disturbing, but I thought the line of questioning was fairly lacking. All Hansen asked were: do you know this is illegal? What were you going to do? Why do you do this?

Here's the line of questioning I think should have been used:
- Would you consider yourself sexually frustrated?
- Are you gay or straight? Or are you just at the level of desperation where you'll take anything?
- Have you seen the movie The 40-year-old virgin? Did that movie not give you hope?
- Do you dream of sheep?
- Roughly speeaking (plus or minus 5 years) what was year you last had sex?
- When was the last time you had a date with a woman?
- How many times have been rejected by women?
- Have you heard of hookers?
- Have you heard of Thailand?
- At what point did Rosy Palm and Palmela Anderson stop satisfying you?
- Have you tried blow up dolls?
- At what point did you just give up on trying to meet girls?

You get the point. As in, okay, we know these sick-fucks have problems. But I'm sure they weren't born this way. I'm sure this is the culmination of years and years of living life as lonely, lonely , lonely.......lonely men.

# posted by Leper Messiah : 4:54 PM  0 comments

So I saw the movie Jarhead today. Pretty good movie, with a pretty high intensity level. But what left the biggest impression on me was the presence of Evan Jones. I actually just looked up his name on imbd.com. But you know him better as Cheddar Bob on 8 Mile (with Enimen). As you remember he's the total loser in Enimen's posse that starts fight number one ("yeah, fuck the free world!), then during fight number two, pulls out his mom's gun and then shoots himself almost in the nuts.

Well in Jarhead, he pretty much plays the same "not cool, and trying too hard to be cool" character, except now he's a marine. And boy, does his presence create some uncomfortable and ackward moments.

So I think it's pretty much established that if you need to find an actor to play the role of a total loser trying to be cool, go with Evan Jones. Which leads me to the question - how is he so good at playing this role?... If we met in him person, should we expect him to act exactly like this?.... Or, would be the opposite - a normal and pretty cool guy?... Does his appearance play a part in portraying such a role so accurately? Just stuff we need to know...

Speaking of character actors, the other one that comes to mind is Ethan Embry. Again just looked up his name in imdb.com. He plays Preston Myers in Can't Hardly Wait. And don't give me shit about watching that movie, because it has a very hot-looking Jennifer Love Hewitt in that movie. But anyway, Ethan Embry's character plays the total wuss-bag (that's right - its so bad I had to bring out a third grade term to describe it) who falls in love with J Love's character despite not having said a word to her. Finds out that she's leaving, and tries to deliver some sappy love letter about how he knows they were meant to be, more or less because of the number of times he has jerked off thinking about her with Barry Manilow in the background.

Ethan Embry also is in Harold and Kumar. He's the i-banker who has the alpha male coworker who wants to go out and get chicks. The coworker tells him just to slap the work another and junior coworker (Harold). He does do that, but boy is he a puss about it. If you've ever dealt with a total wuss trying to give out orders, that's exactly how the scene went. At the end, when Harold has found his nutsac, Harold chews out Ethan Embry, who looks like he's about to cry. Just a great character acting performance of a total wuss.

Which begs the question - is Ethan Embry exactly like that in real life? Would a toupe to cover up his receding hairline change his image? If we were at a club in Hollywood and we saw him with a couple hot chicks, would we even hesitate to go up to the chicks and take them away from him? And then just tell him work on a new sappy love-letter....?