Sunday, January 15, 2006
Weighing In...
So this blog comes upon special request from my buddy Tony. And again, it has to deal with the gym. However, today’s installment moves us to inside the men’s locker room. Now the locker room is decent for a corporate gym. Decent sized lockers, four individual shower stalls, and towel service.
Lastly, there is a a scale – the old school one that you see at the doctor’s office. Which brings us to today’s subject. Is there anything more annoying than the fat guy who has to weigh himself naked? Now in no way am I uncomfortable in male locker rooms. I’ve had to use open / group shower facilities before (no individual stalls), and after my shower I do take off my towel before putting on my boxers (rather than trying to slide them on underneath my towel), briefly exposing me.
So its not actually the nudity that is annoying, but rather the thought process behind the situation. If some dude decides to walk up to the scale naked and he’s thinking “Yeah, I’m ripped and I got a big schlong, and I just want to make the rest of you jerk-offs feel like less of a man” I can respect that. No complaints here. Congratulations on your six-pack and big dick, by the way.
But when the guy is fat and he’s weighing himself naked, we all know why. He’s trying to convince himself that he’s been keeping weight down. As in, hooray for me, I’m only 221 pounds today. As if that matters. Let me tell you something: no one was calling you fat because you were 222 pounds instead of 221 pounds. They were calling you fat because you have a tub of lard hanging over your waist and your shriveled up penis. Other clues were the flabby arms and the lack of a visible neck. But it had nothing to do with the presence of one or two extra pounds. You didn’t go from skinny to fat in one day and one extra pound. It took years sitting on your couch and stuffing your face with Doritos and Miller High Life and about 30 extra pounds. Clearly you cannot reverse such a lenghty process by simply removing your towel when weighing yourself.
So do the rest of us a favor – keep your towel on. We don’t want to see your fat ass and shriveled up dick just so that you convince yourself that you kept the weight off this week. If you really do lose all that fat one day, you won’t need a scale to tell you. And at that point if you want to walk up to the scale naked, just to show off, I’ll even hold your towel for you.
Lastly, there is a a scale – the old school one that you see at the doctor’s office. Which brings us to today’s subject. Is there anything more annoying than the fat guy who has to weigh himself naked? Now in no way am I uncomfortable in male locker rooms. I’ve had to use open / group shower facilities before (no individual stalls), and after my shower I do take off my towel before putting on my boxers (rather than trying to slide them on underneath my towel), briefly exposing me.
So its not actually the nudity that is annoying, but rather the thought process behind the situation. If some dude decides to walk up to the scale naked and he’s thinking “Yeah, I’m ripped and I got a big schlong, and I just want to make the rest of you jerk-offs feel like less of a man” I can respect that. No complaints here. Congratulations on your six-pack and big dick, by the way.
But when the guy is fat and he’s weighing himself naked, we all know why. He’s trying to convince himself that he’s been keeping weight down. As in, hooray for me, I’m only 221 pounds today. As if that matters. Let me tell you something: no one was calling you fat because you were 222 pounds instead of 221 pounds. They were calling you fat because you have a tub of lard hanging over your waist and your shriveled up penis. Other clues were the flabby arms and the lack of a visible neck. But it had nothing to do with the presence of one or two extra pounds. You didn’t go from skinny to fat in one day and one extra pound. It took years sitting on your couch and stuffing your face with Doritos and Miller High Life and about 30 extra pounds. Clearly you cannot reverse such a lenghty process by simply removing your towel when weighing yourself.
So do the rest of us a favor – keep your towel on. We don’t want to see your fat ass and shriveled up dick just so that you convince yourself that you kept the weight off this week. If you really do lose all that fat one day, you won’t need a scale to tell you. And at that point if you want to walk up to the scale naked, just to show off, I’ll even hold your towel for you.
